Tuesday, July 28, 2009
What is a thesis? A thesis is a document that presents the author's research and findings and is submitted in support of candidature for a degree or professional qualification. This intepretation is just like a heavy important responsibility for an undergraduate. However, as for me, thesis is nothing but a fussy trouble. Thesis is just a "rojak" of many journals in the forms of "gaya UKM" (after doing literature review). Until now, i'm still wonder why we need to do thesis in order to get a degree although i know that ongoing research is required to improve our society. It's pointless!!!
I do my thesis in the aspect of clinical study in HUKM, a hospital far from where i stay (in my perspective only). Therefore, i think that it is troublesome for me to go to HUKM to collect data every Thursday and Friday as it is a long journey for me. But, this can be considered a little problem as it is because of my laziness. What make me feel really troublesome is that until now, i'm still very confused and blurred about what I'm doing now for my thesis. I'm not confident for each work i have done for my thesis. Maybe people can say that if you are unsure about your thesis, you can always refer to your "beloved" supervisor, who is an expert in conducting research. Yes, of course i can do that. However, when i met my supervisor last Thursday to discuss my thesis, everything turned down for me.
At that meeting, I found out that my supervisor was quite blurred and forgetful (just like me) about my thesis. She asked me about my sample. I told her the number of patients and those data were from year 2007. Maybe you will feel quite strange and wonder why i conduct a study on patients in year 2007. (That is because the casemix department cannot provide 2008 data). I myself also feel puzzled about that and in last semester I already asked her about the permission to do thesis on patients in year 2007 . At that time, she said that i could do that but last Thursday she seemed to forget what she has said and on contrarily she asked me back why i did the research on patients in year 2007 but not 2008. I felt stoned by what she asked. Then, she asked me why i did on such a small sample. I actually told her about this sample size problem last semester that the casemix department could only provide this number of patients. At that time, she said that that should not be a problem as casemix department data is a strong evidence for my sample size. I used the same explanation to answer her question. However, this time, her attitude was not like last semester before. She asked me to find a suitable explanation and debate myself for my sample size.
The next thing she told me was the most devastated one. My thesis was actually quite same with a senior's thesis last year and that senior managed to get more samples than me. That's the first thing that worried me. Then, she told me that my objectives were quite similar with that senior's and I needed to figure out new add-on objectives different from that senior's. Huh!!! That's really troubling me as I already started in a half way for my thesis! Why she did not tell me earlier about this? Why she did not inform me in last semester before i did my proposal? Can I blame her? Of course cannot!!! what to do? she is still my supervisor to judge whether I can graduate.
Hence, until now, I'm still confused about my thesis. I will not blame anyone because this thesis is my very own stuff. I haven't also found new objectives for my thesis. I dare not to face it. It is disgusting for me. Therefore, to those who think that i'm steady and "senang-lenang" about my thesis, stop thinking of me like that. Afterall, I'm just a lazy person who is not interested or even hate to do thesis. I do not expect too much for my thesis as long as i can get a C for my thesis. Who cares about the pointers as my pointers now are already pretty bad. I just hope that I can graduate on time. Anyway, to those who strive for thesis, wish you all can get your targetted results for your thesis and also wish me not to fail in thesis.